Rainy Day Saturday Woman

Mostly I’m blithely optimistic about the upcoming changes.   I remind myself occasionally that there will be days where doubts and sadness predominate, but so far there haven’t been many.

Today was one of them.

Things are moving fast and with certainty.  I leave — LEAVE — in just over a month.  The house went on the market last week and,  the day after we began showing it, we had a binder.  I’ve signed the papers for the new job and sent them in. 

This is really happening.  Last night I dreamt about  moving and feeling a profound regret about leaving my house.  In the dream, the house that I was missing wasn’t the house I live in now, or one I’ve ever lived in, but I don’t think that matters.  The night before, I had a more disturbing dream in which I rather light-heartedly killed my mother and then, realizing what I’d done, tried futilely to undo my actions (no fears, gentle readers — she  passed 8 years ago and is safe from my murderous dreams). 

Right now, we’re in a kind of fugue  state.  Today is too rainy to decorate outside for Christmas.  And we rarely put up the tree before December 15.  Two showings were scheduled (we’re continuing to show the house until we go to contract), and neither showed.  I shot off some emails related to The Project for the meeting scheduled for first thing Monday morning to figure out how to control a fire that  flared, of course, on Friday night.  The Project always has fires, and this one might be a conflagration.   

It’s too soon to pack and, according to the various “relocation checklists” I found online, too soon to do almost everything.  But not too soon to start worrying about the details.  How on earth do we unplug all the connections and obligations– from the swim club membership to EZ Pass, doctors, banks and retirement accounts, from volunteer activities and memberships and friendships — and what’s going to be involved in making new ones?  How  do we even keep track of all the connections we’ve built in the course of three decades?  Will we forget something crucial?

On weekends, I prefer to have a to-do list but today there wasn’t a lot to do except wait for the no-shows and wonder whether I’m getting a cold or just having allergies.   I followed my two favorite strategies, in order:  1) Took a three-hour nap in the  afternoon; 2) When I woke, worked on a to-worry-about list.

Hope the sun comes out tomorrow.

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